If there is one thing I’ve come to learn, it’s the beauty of having your own. This is a position that we won’t always be in because from time to time, we’d be forced to rely fully on the generosity of others. And if these people are not nice and kind, whatever they give to you may be one of the worst things you will ever get to receive.
There are so many factors that could bring this about. So many ways in which getting something from someone would turn out to be one of the major mistakes a person can make. And it gets even worse when they have no alternative but to keep relying on said person. It can be really tragic.
There are people you’ll take things from, and almost immediately, you begin to regret it. Some people will lend you money, and for some reason, they’d never let you rest. There will always be snide comments and remarks, reminding you of the fact that they gave you money. There will also be jabs at the fact that you couldn’t raise the money on your own. And because you don’t want to piss them off, you stomach such mistreatment.
This is why, to date, there are people who prefer to starve rather than ask for help. They’re so focused on independence. Not because they can’t return favors, but because they don’t want to be tied to that favor for the rest of their lives. Especially when they know that during the time of that favor, they will basically live in frustration and misery. Not everyone is up for that.
Why am I saying all this? There is this family that shares a compound with us, and they’re quite good to everyone. However, there always seems to be shouting and quarrelling within the house. And most of all this is directed at a young man who stays with them. The guy’s father is late, and he came to Lagos to find his feet. So he was squatting with them before he could move out. Now, know that the man of the house is this guy’s uncle. His late father’s brother.
So, he’s living with his Uncle and cousins. Sadly, that wasn’t good enough. They’re always shouting at this guy, sometimes as late as 1 AM in the morning. They refused to feed him if he didn’t contribute, and he started working on-site, and many times, this made him go to far places to make money. And when he came home late, he would be locked out of the house. It’s always so painful.
However, the most painful one for me was when, during a heated conversation, one of his young cousins (15 years old-ish) ordered him out of the house and told him to go back to his father. Like, how can you tell someone to go back to their late parent? And the mother was agreeing with all this. This guy was begging and begging, asking that they allow him to stay the night, and he would leave by morning. They refused.
Imagine someone you’re easily 10-15 years older than you, speaking so rudely to you, and you can’t do anything. You can’t say anything back, you can’t even try anything at all because you’re living simply on their generosity. You have to stomach the insult because if you don’t, you could end up on the streets. That day, the guy cried. And to date, I’ve not forgotten that.
You might wonder how I was able to hear all this? Well, as I said, they’re close neighbors. And during the altercations, they’re always speaking at the top of their voice, not minding that it’s late in the night. I’m a light sleeper, and any small disturbance in the environment would wake me up, and if the disturbance persists, I would find it hard to return to sleep. So, most of the time when this happens, I usually have no choice but to listen to everything going on.
It’s just that, it taught me why people are always insistent on having their own thing. Even though they don’t plan on being wicked, they just prefer to be the giver rather than the receiver. Because you could be the most generous person in the world, helping your friends out with money and accommodation issues without complaining. Yet, the day you need the same thing from them, you suddenly realize that you’ve been the only person in the relationship all along.
Everyone is trying their best never to be at the mercy of others. They’d rather live in their dilapidated room that they paid for, and they know it’s fully theirs, than live in a mansion where the owner would be treating them like trash. None of these is good, it is what it is. But what can we do? It’s not like we can change humanity. And does this also mean that we can’t ask for help anymore?
The truth is, for many of these things, you won’t know on time. At least until you end up needing their help. That’s when you find out their true colors. This is why independence will always be bae. Because as long as it’s rightfully yours, no one can come and speak rubbish to you. They’d know very well that they’d collect.
No time!
